


delusion

by cheonsa_han



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Confusion, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Heavy Angst, Jeonghan centered, Loss, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Molestation, Not really good, Other, Suicidal Thoughts, but i think the ending will be good, i'll add more characters and tags as it goes on, if you're a masochist and loves a chaptered angst then go on, just my feelings in the fic because i cant help myself in any other way possible
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-20
Updated: 2019-10-20
Packaged: 2020-12-27 05:42:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21113639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cheonsa_han/pseuds/cheonsa_han
Summary: jeonghan has a problem with his psyche.and everyone tries to help him, but it is really hard.so he just feels sorry for them.





	delusion

**Author's Note:**

> okay this is going to be really intense but  
i just use this as my dealing with problems, i just cant sit and do nothing, i need to do something productive
> 
> it's going to be slow chaptered so stay with me if you really want to know how it's going

he laughed a little again, then turned his head to another classmate to wave him and leaning against the wall, he drank some strawberry milk. smiling and cheerful as always, yoon jeonghan spent his lunch break as always - surrounded by many people, fooling around and joking. but no one knew that five minutes earlier, at the moment when he stayed in the classroom a moment longer because the professor had a question for him, he was experiencing a mental hell.

really, it's not a pleasant feeling that someone is whispering gross kinky words to your ear. jeonghan really did not wish anyone such a situation, that their own english teacher treated you like that. he was even more struck by the fact that this is not the first time he has encountered such a situation - it is just one of many, worse is the fact that it is happening in his asylum - a school - the place where in theory nothing should happen to him, because the only thing he thinks about is to learn new things.

learning above all. so says his mother, who never looked at how her son felt, she was more interested in his attendance at school, which was also not ideal due to the fragility of his health, after all, he brought only good grades home. if not great, the boy was really good at learning and did his best in all subjects, and it was not so easy.

but nobody understood it. neither his family - who were interested only in his good academic performance, nor friends who did not even try to understand his problem. always it turned out that he let himself be carried away, that he just fucked up the situation completely, he ALWAYS apologized, just to ease the situation, that there would be no more quarrel, he did not want to lose anyone anymore. just not this. 

_he had no idea where to go with his problem._

* * *

he had seungcheol - his boyfriend whom he loved over his whole heart and with each other. together they created a wonderful, perfectly matched pair, really. they were not afraid to even call themselves soulmates, in their case this definition was quite accurate. he was afraid, because the other one was staring at him like on a holy grail and would probably take matters into his own hands, which would lead to dangerous ways of dealing with, and going this way, severe consequences. he was able to do it, no kidding.

there was also jisoo - his best friend, really, the best he could have but unfortunately a friend who had a completely different line of reasoning than he did, and in heavy conversations their lines of reasoning were completely divergent, as a result of which they always tended to argue. he tried to confide in his problem, but it ended only with even bigger arguments and terrible nerves following it. only after some time they found the golden mean, after all, jeonghan still felt bad, as if ... he was really bad as a friend.

and all the friends around him... he didn't trust them.

  
he really had problems with trust, when he opened up to someone from his fragile side - it really had to be a lot of effort for him. even so, he still had faith. blind faith in people, he still gave them chance after chance, even if they were obviously taking advantage of it. he just got used to it as part of his life in the safe bubble of a good world. but he wasn't stupid, he knew it wasn't really that good. he just wanted to live like that. in his beautiful fantasy, being all delusional. and so he continued, stupidly destroying himself.

_overall, everybody has a chance, right...?_

the only understanding he got during his mental breakdowns he got from some random person on the internet, with whom he wrote sporadically, but as it is, it's really neat. on every subject, everything and nothing.

  
but he is still a stranger from the internet, so it doesn't work for a long time.

  
so what does yoon jeonghan do with it? where should he go then?

* * *

__  
he wondered if everyone else would react if he disappeared.  



End file.
